my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
