I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
