Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
