i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
