I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
