I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
