Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
