I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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