who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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