Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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