is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
