she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are all done wearing pants today
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
