we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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