So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
