I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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