took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
