I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
