I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
