a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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