Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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