I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
