is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
