i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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