12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My balls are so social today.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
