Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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