One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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