conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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