This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
