I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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