it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
