they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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