I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
