he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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