i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
