Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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