is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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