It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
