Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
