just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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