I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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