If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I supernannyed him into submission
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
