You smell like a Billy Joel song
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
