I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
