i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
