Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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