The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
