sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
