you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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