I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
whose parrot is this?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
