I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
