So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
